Ukraine

 February 24. Once upon a time it was a due date for one of my babies, the birthday of a few friends, one of my favorite numbers. Now it is a day like September 11th: a day that sticks in my throat like bile. A day I've wept over, railed over, prayed over, battled with God over, read the Psalms thirstily looking for the mix of hopeless anger that roiled in my gut, doubted God's status of "good" and "love", slept fitfully and guiltily in a warm bed with a full tummy knowing dear friends of ours were starving and freezing in bomb shelters, stepped back and seen war and evil throughout the ages in a completely new light, doubted God's wisdom in putting up with humanity. I've cried until there were no more tears to cry, and then cried again. I've struggled to stand upright in my faith as we have been tumbled head over heels in grief and anguish and heartbreak.

My heart is still broken. My long held love and support of the beautiful and historical Russia I once lived in and taught and learned God's love in is tattered and tarnished and will never be the same. My impatience for my big God to do his thing and stop the bad guys has turned to a massive bruise on my heart. I still wince each time I see what the bombs are doing and witness destruction, and a little voice inside me cries, "God? Please?" But I've settled into the acceptance that I do not see what God sees. I don't know what these dark threads are weaving in His tapestry. The glimpses of love and sacrifice and goodness and light that are brought about only in response to this evil are staggeringly beautiful. So I hope.

In our own life, I know we would not be on this path today except for February 24th, 2022. So I'm trusting in God's promises and watching history play out in front of us while His people from Ukraine love and sacrifice and their light shines in the darkness like a beacon wherever they live.

Pray for Ukraine, encourage the Ukrainians God puts in your path, consider giving to a charity that you trust to make life a little easier for children and families and the aged and care workers and laypeople doing the work of soldiers to save their homeland. Thanks.